Pity Parties

While I was doing my devotions the other day. A conversation that I had the previous week with a friend popped into my head. My friend had confronted me to find out why I had made some comments to another friend. I was shocked by the situation, as I had not made any of the comments that I had been accused of. As I sat reading my Bible, my mind kept going back to the situation. How could this woman tells lies about me, I asked myself. Why would she do it? How is she going to benefit from people thinking I said these things? I was wallowing pretty deeply in my self righteous pity party when I realized that I had just read an entire passage in Matthew without really paying any attention to the words on the Page. I gave me head a shake and started over. As I began to read again I felt such shame. While I was having my pity party I had read all about Jesus and the struggle that he had in the garden. I read about Judas and the kiss that gave him away. Wow, I thought, here I am putting my own feelings ahead of getting to know my savior better. My situation was so very petty compared to what Christ was suffering. I know that it is OK to be annoyed and even get angry when someone tells lies about us, is rude, or unkind. In the gospels in mentions several times that Jesus was angered by the the behavior of the pharisees. Sometimes Jesus called the pharisees out about their rotten behavior, and sometimes He shook his head and headed out of town before they could cause Him anymore trouble. I never once read though that Jesus dwelt on the wrong doing. I don't remember the Gospels saying that He let the indignation of the wrongs done against Him to fill his mind and consume Him.
So in my quest for self control I now know that I need to use self control not to eat to much and to make good choices when I need to eat. I need to stay off of the scale because I know that I will get wrapped up in weight loss rather than dealing with the real issue of 'getting fruity', and I need to control my pity party time. when I find myself in a situation that makes me angry or hurt I need to give it to God. Sometimes I will need to deal with the situation, but Most of the time it is best to forgive, forget, and move on. The forgetting and moving on part will take a lot of prayer! I am so glad that God has promised to always be with me.

Ramblings about Scales and Stress

There is this ugly thing on my bathroom floor that causes me much stress and anxiety! You probably have one too. The bathroom scale can be a very beneficial tool, but in my life it causes me to stumble. The Bible tells us to get rid of such things, but the rest of my family won't let me. In my Quest for self control I find that the scale or rather weighing myself is an area where self control goes right out of the window. As I have shared previously I have given my stress eating sin to God. He has been so good in helping me to be strong these past weeks. But to my dismay as soon as I go a few days using self control in one area I find myself sinning in another. Losing weight is nice, but this time eating right is not about that. (It certainly is a nice side affect though) How can I possibly serve God to my fullest potential if I am always worn out, sore, tired, and grumpy from sugar highs and lows? Anyway, in the past when I have decided that it is time to lose weight I weigh myself constantly, and then I allow the numbers on the scale to decide how my day will be. If the numbers are lower I feel great about myself....cause it's all about me you know. If those numbers are the same or even worse, higher, I sulk and get angry and complain to God that he gave me a body with a low metabolism, and that it is not fair that I eat so  much less than my skinny friends and can't lose the weight. I rely so heavily on the scale that I rarely stop to think about the fact that my body has so much more energy, that my brain sees things more clearly, and that I can face stress without losing it because my sugar levels are where they should be. When I am in this very selfish state I have tunnel vision on me and my wants. I think that I have lost weight over the past weeks, but I don't know for sure. I haven't stepped on that scale and with the Lord's help I will keep eating right to please Him.
Stress. Stupid things cause me stress. It amazes me how my body reacts when something comes up. Example. Someone who causes me stress calls; I take a deep breath and answer the phone, but a second later I find myself with my hand on the refrigerator door. I feel startled about being there because I didn't consciously decide that I wanted to eat or decide to even enter the kitchen. It is like a magic trick, now I'm in the living room and poof I magically appear in the kitchen. I have read my Bible and prayed more in the past weeks than I have in the past year put together. My life is not that stressful, but by making the decision to go to God and not the kitchen when stress does occur I have had to ask for help and search His word for answers. The cool thing is that the more time I spend in His word and praying the more time I want to spend. Chips and Ice cream bring instant gratification, but it lasts only as long as the flavor is still on my tongue. Once the flavor leaves the stress is still there. But if I go to God, He gives me answers. Whatever caused the stress may still be there, but He gives me the strength to deal with it. I love that He loves me. I love that He wants me to feel good. I love that He always picks me up when I fall. and I really love that no matter what stupid mistakes I make He will always open his arms to me and accept my apology.his love for us is amazing!!!!!

A woman should be so lost in God, that a man has to seek Him to find her.

Hm, where does Tim need to look to find me? Too often I can be found wrapped up in what the world thinks is important. Lately though with the Lord's help I can be found in his word and striving to have self control. When I asked God to make obvious to me the areas in which I need to exhibit more self control I knew that the list would be long. I, however did not realize just how long that list would be! The first and most obvious area is with food. I eat for so many reasons, but rarely due to hunger. I am what 'people' call a stress eater. but you know what, no matter how hard I look no where in the Bible does it tell me that when I am stressed I should eat a bag of chips, and I am sure there is no  mention of having a big bowl of ice cream when in the midst of a crisis. I have looked really hard, hoping I would find some mention of chips or ice cream, and to my dismay it just isn't there :( In fact what I found was quite the opposite.

1 Peter 5:7 Casting all your cares upon Him, for He cares for you.
- Chips and ice cream don't care for me. If they did they would be packed full of vitamins and they wouldn't make me fat. Really though, we live in a sinful world and people, all people, even the people who love you most will sometimes let you down, but what a blessing to know that we have God who cares for each one of us personally!

Isaiah 41:10
Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’ 
- Sadly, alcoholics and stress eaters have a lot in common. When stress surrounds them the urges become almost unbearable to the body. Do you remember what Jesus said to his disciples in the Garden of Gethsemane? The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” Maybe food is not a self control issue for you. Maybe right now you're thinking, "just don't eat". I wish it were that simple! My flesh is very weak. I am so thankful that in my hour of weakness (which is very often) I can cry out to my Lord and He will give me the strength that I need. He wants me to succeed. He wants me to be healthy. and "We were made for More! More that Failure.....more than this cycle....more than being ruled by our taste buds, body image, rationalizations, and guilt. we were made for victory!"~Lysa Terkeurst
Psalm 46:1-3
God is our refuge and strength,  A very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, Even though the earth be removed,  And though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;
 Though its waters roar and be troubled, Though the mountains shake with its swelling. Selah 
- I love the 'Selah' at the end. The information in these verses is so awesome that the reader is encouraged to sit quietly and contemplate it. If God can keep me safe in the storm, I know that when stress abound He can keep me from the fridge!............self control-doing the right thing even when I don't feel like it......Next time... sleep? ...shopping?...work?...housework?....prayer time?

Time to Get Fruity

Several weeks ago I began feeling ill at ease every time I made a decision. I am not talking about decisions like, do I buy that car or not. I'm talking about deciding what to eat for lunch, how to spend my afternoon, and should I buy that new pair of shoes or not. (If you know me at all you know that I do NOT need a new pair of shoes). A few weeks after my niggling feelings began my pastor preached a sermon from Ephesians. I sat and listened to him talk about how God needs to be in the forefront of our minds at all times and how our decisions need to made based on his will for us. Now this is certainly not new information to me. Before any large decision is made IE buying a new car, choosing whether or not to take a job, I always go to the Lord in prayer. The pastor did not stop there. He began to talk about how the things in our lives that we put before God are our idols (another bit of info that is not new to me) then he did it, he said, are you putting food before God, how about things, maybe you put your children before God. The list went on, and I felt myself trying to sink into the pew.

God had been preparing my heart for this sermon!

I went home that afternoon feeling very unsettled. I had just sat through a sermon full of information that I already knew, but I felt like the Holy Spirit had picked me up and had given me a good shake and said, "This is for you. Apply this to your life. Don't just go home and forget this!"

After making lunch I pulled out my Kindle (one of my very favorite things in the whole wide world) and started through the list. Hm, what did I feel like reading? Still feeling unsettled my eyes fell on to the title of a devotional book that I downloaded weeks before. I'm not sure why I never looked at it, but I think God may have allowed it because I needed to be at just the right spot before I began to read it. The devotional is called Craving God. when I downloaded it I had no idea of the content and had never heard of the author. The title just sounded good. It turns out the book is about Craving God instead of food specifically. As I began to read I kept coming across the phrase, self control. I remember telling my kids when they were small that self control is doing the right thing even when you don't feel like it. Now as I continued reading that annoying niggling feeling got worse and worse. Yea, I use self control in all the big events, but the little things are getting by. And self control isn't just some nice little thing that we should try; it is one of the fruits of the spirit. So I told God, "God, I need to get fruity, and I'd like to start with self control. Please give me the strength to follow this through and to see areas where I need to use self control." Wow, what have I gotten myself into........to be continued