Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Screamers Anonymous

      I don't need to attend AA meetings but perhaps a good SA meeting would be good for me. Once upon a time I was a screamer. One of my kids would get me mad and I would scream at them and make sure they knew just how mad I was. 10 years ago when my kids were 12 and 9 I was convicted that screaming at my kids was a sin issue that I needed to deal with. I always justified myself by pointing out that I only screamed at them when they did something to deserve it, but does anyone ever really deserve to be screamed at???? I wasn't screaming at them so that they would learn to be better people. I was screaming because I was out of control. They did something that made my life somehow unpleasant and I wanted to punish them. My screaming was purely selfish.

         So when I was convicted of this I made a decision to not be a screamer. It took several months of biting my tongue and slapping my hand over my mouth, but finally it became natural to respond in a calm manner and to talk things out with my kids instead of exploding at them.
Ten years later I can say, I am not a screamer. I respond in a calm manner and am in control of myself even when most annoyed with my children" HA! Although I often go many months without yelling days like today remind me that I need to stay off of that platform because when I least expect it I will fall off.....and much to my shame today was the day that I fell off.
     My son, who in most aspects of his life is a very responsible young man, pushed my buttons this morning. For weeks I have been reminding him to do something and once again because he didn't follow through with this my morning was ruined....well that is how I saw it. Yes, he didn't do what I asked, my morning was made a little difficult (far from ruined) and yes I did have every right to call him out on this issue, but calling out should never be loud enough to scare the dog out of the room and wake the neighbors, it certainly shouldn't include phrases like, "I could throttle you". Really, what an awful thing to say!
I am reminded how often (many times everyday) that I do things that Jesus Christ has every right to be mad about. He reminds me daily in his word of how I should behave, and yet I continue to disobey. I am so blessed that when I disobey, Jesus lovingly points me back in the right direction. I may get the punishment that I so deserve, but it will never be given out of anger.
      When my son gets home this evening I will follow  up and make sure that he has done what he was told to do, but before that maybe I will go to an SA (Screamers Anonymous) meeting or better yet a Sinners Anonymous Meeting.

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